Be Aware

I am a rational person, and I believe you are one also.  We like to know things.  We enjoy knowledge and always seem to look for ways to use learning and discovery to make our world and our lives a little better. Although we are knowledgeable and rational, as humans, we find ourselves guided and controlled quite often by our emotions. We are also very emotional beings.

Life would be easy without emotion. Unfortunately, it would not mean nearly as much to us. Sometimes it seems as though our feelings are the spice that actually gives our life it’s zest. And we find that zest is often crucial to our happiness, and unfortunately, sometimes our destruction.

There are many fantastic emotions, among them are love, caring, hopefulness, belief in something better, being ecstatic, happiness, and many others. Yet emotions are shiny crystals with two sides. The other side might be hate, anxiety, jealousy, depression, anger, sadness, suspiciousness, and the worst, fear.   Fear, whether real or not, will lead to many of the other negative emotions.

It seems as though we, being people, crave emotion to appoint where if it is not present, we will make it up and believe it. How many young gentlemen or ladies have had an infatuation with someone else? Many have. They pretend that the other person is their boyfriend or girlfriend. They write the other person love notes and design beliefs in their minds that never really were.

How many have had something not quite go right, or the way they expected. This is not a perfect world; it happens every day. Unfortunately, some people will take the most innocent of concerns and blow them out of proportion in their minds. They feel ashamed and fearful about what others may think. What could have happened to them? They are anxious that others may find out or take their actions the wrong way.

Sometimes it’s hard to understand in our own mind if the emotions we feel are correct or not. It is always good to have someone such as a friend, a mentor, or a life coach with which you can talk. Most of the time, just getting the words out allows you to look at them and find things to consider. Having another person to speak with not only gives you a second opinion it also possibly gives you some detached wisdom.

We will talk more about emotions and fear during this week leading towards All Hallows Eve. Until tomorrow, please remember you are a wonderful rational person, and you should not let your emotions push you around. So learn and grow, and find the bright side out there.

Thank you for being with me today. I hope to be with you again tomorrow.

What Do You Feel?

Whether you realize that you are feeling something or not, you are feeling.  We all feel.  Yes, all the time.  Sometimes we grow callous of our feelings. And sometimes we just bury our emotions with all the other things that we have to do. When we don’t feel well, it is easier to hide our feelings than to understand why we feel the way we do and fix what is wrong.

Sometimes trying to understand feelings is just overwhelming. I remember one day when my coach gave me a paper with pictures of 30 different feelings on it. She asked me how I felt. I couldn’t choose, I could not pick anything. I was overwhelmed. There were just too many choices, and I could not figure out how I should feel. And that was my big mistake.

When it comes to feeling, there is no right or wrong. There is only what is. And yes, it is vital for you to understand how you feel. If you feel good, knowing why helps you to repeat the experience. If you feel bad, knowing how and why is a starting point so you can work on helping yourself to feel better.

No one else, not spouses, counselors, coaches, doctors, kids, or the family can make you feel better. It comes from you, from the inside. All the others can help, but it boils down to you. And yes, we are all overwhelmed today. There are just too many outside stimuli. So if you have problems with this, find a quiet, comfortable place where you can spend some time each day and work on better understanding yourself.

Although you are the only one who can genuinely help you, coaches and counselors and mentors can help. It is a sign of strength to realize this and asked for assistance. Asking means you recognize the need to move from where you are, to where you want to be. And when you ask, skilled helpers will often be there to assist.

Indeed, nobody can do this for you, yet where you are others have been. I have learned this myself through intense trial and error. It was not easy. It was much better than staying where I had been.

Everyone feels. And everyone feels the entire range of emotion at one point or another. It is better to understand why you feel and what you want to do about it.

Thank you for being with me today. I hope to be with you again tomorrow.

Better Understanding Yourself

They say that you should not invest in a piece of art unless you just cannot see yourself living without it.  I imagine that is true. It turns out in our world today that most things are purchased not because they are the best, or they are the cheapest, or the most expensive, or in high supply, or very rare. They are purchased because we have an emotional attachment to them.

What is your favorite candy bar? Which coffee shop is your favorite? Have you purchased a particular brand of car more than once? If you own a house why did you buy it? Why are you in the job that you are in? These are all excellent questions. If you start to look at them and answer honestly, you start to discover patterns within your self. Patterns that give insight into your likes and dislikes, and even deeper into your emotions.

Please do not worry about this. We all have things we like and others that we do not like. And, we have emotions usually based on things that have happened earlier in our lives. If we take a look at why we like something or dislike something else, we might be able to follow the trail back to an origin. And that might give us a new insight or perspective on ourselves.

The insight could be as simple as I ate one of these candy bars every day after school, and it made me feel better. It could be that this brand of car was my first car and was my first taste of freedom. It could be as emotional as I was struck by a drunk coming home from the prom and this brand of car kept my passengers and me safe. Yes, sometimes our purchases are quite emotional.

If we can dig deep and find out why we feel what we feel, we have a much better chance of understanding ourselves, what we do and why we do it. If we know ourselves, we might have a better chance of doing better and making more inroads to get to where we really want to be.

You never know what you may find, and this type of journey is not for the faint of heart. Yet, you may find it interesting, and even a road to improvement within yourself. You do not have to take this trip alone. There are great life coaches who can help you navigate these discoveries and help you put meaning to them.

Thank you for being with me today. I hope to be with you again tomorrow.

 

 

Softly Speaking Wins

From time to time, we will run into situations where someone will get aggravated and start speaking loudly or aggressively. And, when peaceful calmness is broken, no one wins. Aggravation and loss of one’s temper never put anyone in a good light.

Speak softly, for loudness and agitation only bring more volume and anxiety in return. If you talk softly and look at the other person while doing so, and the louder they get, the softer you speak, they will calm down, and the tension will begin to evaporate. No one is helped by anger. And, no one is understanding anything, while voices are enraged.  Anger only causes more anxiety and rage.

At that point, everyone is trying to outdo everyone else to win.

If you want to win, be quiet and in control. Doing so you can disarm rising tensions.

Understand the Inner You

It is amazing how well we can do a task when we set our minds to something.

Sometimes what we do is so far beyond what we think we are capable of that we can’t see what we truly did and what it really meant until later. The time lag in our recognition doesn’t take away what our actions meant to others or how it helped them. The turmoil and actions of the moment mean more at a distance. You have to step back and take a look at the actions and what they led to as a whole.

It is important to have a set of values, beliefs, or goals you normally work towards. What you normally would work towards is what helps to ground you in the moments where you’re not so sure what the correct course of action is. This internal compass is going to help you to reach out and do the best you can.

When I was younger, there was a paper with many different feelings on it. And I was often asked to state how I felt any given time. I did not understand it then, I was used to people telling me what to think and feel. And yet now I have learned that knowing my feelings are very important. You need to know your feelings because they are you. And, we all need to be responsible for our own feelings.

To take ownership of your feelings, you need to know two things:

  • How do I feel?
  • Why do I feel that way?

This is the start of understanding your inner self and reading your inner compass correctly. When you can control your inner self, you can go far and do many wondrous things.

This is something to think about and to consider.

Have a great day, and I hope to talk to you again tomorrow.

 

Make a list

Good morning and welcome to another wonderful day. Why is it wonderful? Because you are here!

Today I have a task for you. It is an important task.  This task will help you to see both the forest and the trees.

I would like you to please make a list. The list is not for me, it is for you. Each of us should have a list like this. It helps us to understand how lucky we are.

The first part of making a list is just to rest. Take a few minutes to find a spot that’s comfortable and rest. Then it’s time to make your list. Write down something about yourself that makes you feel good, makes you happy, makes you confident.

 

Have you seen a sunrise or sunset lately? Did you enjoy it? Did it make you feel something? If the feeling was good, write it down. Did you laugh today? Write it down.

What you are doing is taking a measure of the positive things in your life. There are plenty of negative things, and you don’t need a list of those. What you need is a list of what’s good in your life. We all have positives and negatives. When the negatives weigh on my mind, it is always nice to pull out the list and remember the positives.

Have a great day. Hopefully, we’ll talk again soon.

How to Prioritize Danger

As humans, we often fear or panic over things which may happen in the future and for which there is no evidence at the moment. The lights might be turned off because ‘The utility bill is due at the end of the month.’ Or, ‘Southern Colorado might have a blizzard in a week, so we need to go to the store and stock up on everything right now.’ Or, ‘There was a bump in the road, I need to go back and look right now. Because someone may have gotten hurt and I may have hit them without ever seeing them.’ I won’t say that any of these things will never come to fruition. However, the odds are very favorable that none of these ever really will.

Is it wise to take precautionary measures? Yes. Is it a good thing to panic over things that have little chance of happening? Not so much. And yet, to the person having the panic attack, it is very real, and drastic measures must be immediately taken. How do you help this person down from near hysteria?

Start by talking to them calmly and ask them if they see anything within a 3 inch to a 6-inch radius around their body that poses an immediate danger. The answer is usually no. If there is, help the person to decide if it is a real danger or only a perceived possibility.

Next, ask them if there is anything within 18 inches of their body threatening danger. Again this usually has a negative response and follow-through is the same as the paragraph above. Next question, is there anything in the room that’s an obvious threat. From there go to the block and then the neighborhood.

You can go as far as you need to with this. Usually by the time you get to the neighborhood, the person you’re talking with starts to understand and feels better. Just because somebody occasionally feels overly upset about something, does that not mean that they have a medical or mental problem. Given the right circumstances, anyone may show this type of fear. If this is a full-time ongoing problem, the person may want to speak with a professional about it. If not, make it one less thing to worry about.